No more of this
by LycanFur
Summary: Hiccup was a 'twiggy' ...or his cousin called him like that. In the day he was a shy and silly boy. But in the night, he was a suicidal boy who cut himself and tried some of the self-killing methods...But somehow...he didn't die. He can't die. He would just always come back to life once he killed himself. A certain werewolf was the reason Hiccup can't die.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: AU with very OOC characters. Suicidal Hiccup.**

* * *

 _I, once again woke up from the death of me. Sometimes I doubt it, why can I not die? I just wanted to get away from this life. I had nothing to live for anyway. They were worse that the werewolf. They tortured me emotionally._

 _With me being a weak person, I couldn't do anything. My father, Stoick, he acted as if I was never existed. Only the pains told me that I was existed._

* * *

 _"_ That night...I always remember it" I said, smiling at the figure who I was leaning against with.

"Go on" He said and I did what I was told

* * *

 _I sighed heavily as I knew that there was no way I could kill myself. I laid myself on a blood-soaking bed and fell asleep. I had a school day tomorrow and Stoick wouldn't appreciate me being late for a school or as I put it a 'Hell'._

 _When the tomorrow came I walked to the 'Hell' alone, as always. And Stoick never acknowledged about this because he was too dumb to raise me on his own and ignored me since I was a baby. He ditched me to Gobber since then. If he wanted that then, I wanted that too. He didn't want me, then I wouldn't want him. But I knew that one day...one day...he would come back to me, regretting that he ditched me because he realized that my mother wouldn't want me to be like that._

 _Such deja vu. Because it would really happen but I didn't know it that time._

 _I arrived at the Dragoons Academy High. Here, we were trained to be a werewolf hunters. I immediately went to a class, trying to ignore the insults and the words, telling me to go to hell. Well, being here was a hell enough for me._

 _I silently sat down at my lecture table and then Snotlout came up and bullied me. Once it finished...I was ready to go on a rampage and killed everyone. With that I decided to grab a small pointy knife and hid it under my sweater's sleeve. I walked silently behind Snotlout and brought down my knife but before I even killed him. I was stopped by a girl who used to be my friend. Astrid yanked my knife holding hand away and I growled._

 _I thrusted the another knife into her stomach and she screamed before backing away, holding her stomach. Snotlout punched me and I fell back a bit. I gritted my teeth and growled like a werewolf on murdering-rampage. But before I could do anything, I was pinned down by strong arms and was shocked. My body spasm then I lost my unconsciousness._

 _I woke up in a hospital wing of the school. Stoick was standing beside my bed, looking serious as he stared at the tablet in his big meaty hands and me, back and fourth. Great, after all these years, he paid me attention by my actions of killing._

 _"The doctors have done some experiments on you. They said that you have many disorders such as...Social interaction, Weak bones and lack of nitration and more. And they said you have scars on your arms which you really do. They said that you cut yourself. But surprisingly you have a strong gate of emotional. But you also snap the loudest and that gate broke. Now may I ask...Why?"_

 _I sat up and sighed, never gave that question the answer "After all these years? You care about me?!" I laughed darkly after that "Don't you think it's a little bit too late?"_

 _"The police found many shape blades and ropes and rat_ _-_ _killing pills in your room" Stoick said, sighing "Now, tell me what have you done Hiccup"_

 _"I have been trying to kill myself for a year now. So what? It's not like you care!" I snapped at him "You're the worst parent in this world" I said a little bit softer._

 _"I know. But my duties-" Stoick tried but I cut him off._

 _"Your stupid duties always come first!" I shouted at him and regretted moving my body. It hurt. Stoick looked taken back._

 _"But Hiccup. I'm a leader of the hunters" Stoick said._

 _"Doesn't mean you can leave me unloved!" I screamed "Get out"_

 _"Give me a chance" Stoick said, grabbing my hand._

 _"I said. Get. Out" I stared threateningly at him "You don't know what I am capable of. Get out now. Or you'll regret"_

 _"Please Son don't do this" Stoick pleaded. I wasn't a forgiving type anymore since I started holding a grudge against Snotlout._

 _Then I realized something. I didn't have to revenge anymore. Because I would just have to say that Snotlout was bullying me, so I snapped. And Stoick would be in grief, knowing that I would never forgive him. I could just run away._

 _But where?_

 _The only choice around here must be the forest that full of werewolves but that wasn't a problem to me since I couldn't die. I could live in the forest for the rest of my life. I knew how to survive. I was more a trapper than a hunter anyway._

 _My hands was still wrapped in Stoick's meaty hands. I had to do something "Dad. Please leave me alone for a while" I said, softening my voice_ _"Also, go talk with Snotlout. He knew it too damn well"_

 _Stoick looked hesitate but he did leave me alone anyway. I pulled the needles out of my arms and get up from the bed. It hurt, yet it felt good to know that I was still existed._

 _I quietly opened the door and took a peek. There were Gobber and Stoick talking about me "What's wrong with him, Gobber? He never acted like that" Stoick said like he knew me the best._

 _"The boy...just has strong mind. He bared with the negative feelings for a while now-" Gobber was interrupted._

 _"How long?" Stoick said._

 _Gobber looked interested at the floor "He talked with me a few months ago. The lad said that when his mother died, you never loved him again. He said that he felt lonely and unloved. He also told me that he started cutting himself. The pain was only thing reminded him that he was still there. I begged for him to stop but he would never do. I didn't know about the suicide until now"_

 _I could see Stoick's hurt expression plastered on his face "Then...how is his study in arena?" Stoick asked._

 _"The boy isn't a hunter but he is more like a trapper. One of the students nearly went to Valhalla by his traps"_

 _Stoick just nodded at that, and then said "Gobber, if someone can get into him, it's you. Please talk with him" Stoick said, gesturing at my door_ _"I'll go to Snotlout and have a talk with him"_

 _"Okay" Gobber said._

 _Gobber was coming here. I had to go now. I looked around the room and found a window. I quickly approached it and pushed it opened. Luckily my room was on the first floor, so I jumped out of the room and took off to the forest entrance which was near the hospital since many men in the hunt would came back with wounds when they came back from the hunt._

 _It was hard to keep up my speed since I was still lack of energy. But I finally stumbled into the forest with heavy breathing. Stupid me I didn't bring anything with me!_

 _Well, great way to start. I walked slowly started catching my breathe. I had to find something to eat first then build or find a shelter it was at noon now. I looked for something to eat while I was walking through the forest. I had to admit that it was amazing here. It was better than in the town._

 _I saw bushes with berries. Its amount would not satisfied even a person in the town but it satisfied me very much. I grabbed some to eat an kept some of them in my hospital shirt's pocket. Heck, I had to find something to change into, I cannot really worked with these clothes on._

 _I walked deeper and deeper in the forest. Yep, its area took 3/5 of Archipelago. The other two of five was towns and villages. And no one had a map for this forest. I actually was the one who dared walking in this forest alone with nothing but hospital clothes._

 _But it wasn't that bad. I saw a cove and there was a cave in it. And it was dry. It was getting dark now, so I started gathering some sticks and woods. I grabbed a trunk and put some leaves and twig on it before swirling a stick against it to make bonfire. Also there was a lake in the cove. I could just eat fish, so I didn't have to worry about the protein._

 _I sat down and hugged my knees closed to my chest. It felt lonely here but that didn't matter since I was always lonely. I then thought about the things I had to do the next day. I had to build traps and...a knife. A knife was the main thing._

 _I lied on the hard ground, using my hands as pillow and let the sleep claimed me._

* * *

 _"_ Well that's enough for this night" I said as I stood up and stretched. The pups/kids whined, wanting to know more.

"I'll tell you the other night" I said.

"Promise?" The pups said.

"Promise" I nodded "But next time will be his turn to tell you this story from his point of view" I said, pointing at the person who I recently had leaned against.

"Aw. Do I have to do that?" He said.

* * *

 **Wow, my first werewolf HTTYD fanfiction..**


	2. Chapter 2

"Toothless! We are waiting for your story!" The pups said, tugging at my legs.

I sighed quietly "Okay okay" I said, sitting down in front of the bonfire.

* * *

 _I was running through the forest. I was on an escapement from the Red Death. He was the cruel Alpha of the Red Moon pack and I was on a rebellion. My friend,_ _Cody, Sharpshot_ _the Sneaky, he was also by my side when we rebelled the Red Death. We nearly killed the Red Death but who would know that only a tiny mistake could get myself killed._

 _I was near the gate of death now but Cody managed to pull me out of there in time. I was badly injured at that time._

 _But I managed to survived that night. Cody and I went to somewhere far away from the pack. We were pack-less werewolves then. We travelled and rested and travelled and rested until we finally walked out of the forest. We were at the back of a big house. There was a electric fence between us and the house. But it wasn't tall enough to prevent me from jumping across it. But Cody couldn't though. He was an omega but I was an Alpha, I had more ability than him._

 _So that I volunteered to steal some supplies from the house. I leaped across the fence, landing with a quiet thud. I looked past the windows of the house and saw a human boy. I felt my heart clenched as I looked at him. The boy was lying on his bed, head tilted toward my direction, eyes closed. He looked very very very pale. There was a knife plunged to his chest. Then my heart clenched more and more._

 _Cody asked if I was alright but I didn't reply. My clenching heart had something to do with the human boy. I immediately pushed the window, finding it unlocked. I opened it and jumped into the boy's room._

 _Scent of blood was everywhere. But there was only the boy's scent in the room. He had cuts everywhere on his arms. I doubt if he was cutting himself. I felt a pull at my heart and my hands immediately went for the knife, pulling it out slowly. Blood seeped out of his chest rapidly. I felt a strong urge to help the boy but the only way to help him was to give him a half of my soul. I didn't understand why I helped him that time but when I finished transforming my soul, I knew it right then that the human boy was my soulmate._

 _I was shocked, yet I could still control my instinct. I couldn't bring him with me. He would be safe here. My soul was a strong soul. It wouldn't die with just suicide or things that weren't silver. But in return, he had to be half-wolf, not werewolf yet, just wolf._

 _The color of the boy's skin came back to life, telling me that I saved the boy. The wounds were healed completely in no time but I had no time to wait for him to wake up. I immediately went to the room where the human stored their supplies. I got only a few things, because I didn't really know if I could eat them or not. I had to do a hunting more often from now on._

 _I left the house and went back into the forest with Cody. He asked why I took it so long, so I told him about the encounter with my soulmate and the soul-giving. He said that he was glad for me that I finally found my mate._

 _Cody was agreeable to everything that was good. And he was the first Omega in the pack that to be added in the hunting group. His title was Sharpshot, he never missed._

* * *

"Stop being so egotistical, Cody" I said, rolling my eyes as he held his chin up

"I'm not!" Cody retorted.

"Well well. We know you well, Cody. Don't deny it" Hiccup said.

* * *

 _It had been three months after the escapement. I started getting used to this new life. But I visited my soulmate every once a week to check on him. I saw him trying to kill himself every time I go there. It hurt to see him like this, so broken and I also learned that he had only his father but that father never took care of him. I knew that he was unloved and I wanted to give him love. But I could never do that. He belonged to his kind, not mine._

 _Another the month passed and today I went to visit my mate but only to find that he wasn't there. Where was he? I thought he was just not home today, so I could just visit tomorrow then. And the next day I still didn't see him. I decided to follow the faintest scent of him and I found myself sneaking to the gate that I assumed was the entrance that human used when they hunted in the forest._

 _I should go back to Cody but I had a mate to find too. So I followed the scent. The scent ended up at the beautiful cove and I saw my mate lying on the ground beside the bonfire. This is the second time I got a proper view of him. He looked so small, so fragile that I wanted to protect him from the world. I heard the sound coming from the cove's entrance and there was Cody. He must have been worried about me._

 _Cody looked at my mate and asked if he was okay but I didn't know. I didn't want to wake him up either. So I leaned in and my wolf pointy ears twitched as it heard steady heartbeats. I sighed in relief as I acknowledged that he wasn't dying._

 _I told Cody that we should to live near him, so we could take care of him. And after a few arguing he finally agreed and accepted it. He was agreeable after all._

* * *

"Okay that's enough!" Cody yelled.

"But...but!" The pups hiccuped and cried, running into Hiccup's embrace. Then soon, they fell asleep on him.

"Cody. You should be watching your step from now on" Hiccup said threateningly.

I just laughed at that.

* * *

 **Cody, you made the pups cried! But Hiccup being swamped by a group of little fluffballs was so adorable!**


	3. Chapter 3

"My turn!" I said and the pups sat down, some leaned against me.

* * *

 _When I woke up, there was a hunting knife on the extinguished bonfire. Also I almost freaked out as I recognized the knife, it was my cutting knife. I grabbed it and decided to went into the forest. I somehow felt eyes staring at me but brushed the feeling off._

 _I ate some berries from yesterday as I walked through the forest, trying to find something for trapping and marking the tree to make sure I wouldn't be lost. Sadly I couldn't make any traps now, I just have to hunt then. And sadly again I wasn't good at hunting._

 _"What should I do...I can't make any trap without a shovel...or ropes" I said to myself out loud. It didn't matter, because no one was there to hear me. Then I heard a snap of a twig and I turned quickly to the direction and saw a rabbit. I stared at it and it stared back. It looked panic and I was crouching down._

 _The world around me seemed to move slower and the next thing I knew was my knife flying through that rabbit, pinning it to the ground. Then the world moved normally again. I was shocked at the position I was in. I was in a crouching position and my left hand reaching out in throwing manner._

 _I stood properly and approached the dead rabbit before picking it up. I didn't really know how I could do that but got my meal for the rest of the day anyway._

 _I heard a snap of a twig again but I didn't turn, because I thought that a rabbit was enough for my day. I started heading back to my cove. It was probably lunch time now._

 _At least I had learned how to cook because Stoick wasn't home so often and he couldn't cook. After I cut my rabbit, I penetrated the meat with a small stick and put it over the fire. Once it was cooked well enough, I ate it and found that its taste was very bad but I would eat whatever I could to survive._

 _I left the leftover on the stick and went to the lake. The water looked cleaned enough and the look of it seemed safe to drink, so that i was no hesitated and drank it. So, that was how my life was going to be then._

 _The rest of the day passed with nothing interesting._

* * *

"And I guess that the twigs snapping things was you, right?" I said, looking at Toothless.

"Yeah" Toothless nodded.

* * *

 _I woke up from a dream, shaking and panting in adrenaline pumping manner. I had a dream about Stoick getting ambushed by the hoard of werewolf. Well...I wasn't exactly sure if it was a bad or good dream but I just startled and woke up._

 _There was still dark, only the bonfire made me see things. I walked out of the cave and looked at the half-moon. I somehow felt attached to the moon but shrugged it off. It was probably midnight or one in the morning. I should went back to sleep but I found myself couldn't because of the recent dream. So I decided to sit beside the bonfire._

 _It was really cold and I really wanted a blanket to keep warm. My mind wandered somewhere else, wondering what would I be in the next days. Would I survive long enough? Would I have a happy life, having family with the love of my life? I imagined me being in the woods for the rest of my life. It was going to be really lonely, but I had dealt with the loneliness by my whole life. Living alone wouldn't be a problem._

 _And then, I wondered about the people back in Berk. Would they try to find me? Would someone care about me? Could I hide from them for long?_

 _I slowly drove into a sleep as I overthought my brain._

 _I woke up in a late morning and I really freaked out when I saw a shovel plunged on the extinguished bonfire again... Now I was wondering if there was someone or something spying me._

 _I grabbed the shovel and examined it. From the look of it, I guessed that it hadn't been used yet. I walked out of the cove and started making traps around my place. I dug the ground, making a large hole and place twigs and leaves over the hole, hiding it from the careless prey. It was really simple trap in my opinion. I could put some sharp things in there to make the trap deadly but I had to do many traps, so I didn't do it._

 _I finished making the fifth hole and decided that it was enough for this day. Also it was probably nearly lunch now, and I hadn't had anything since I woke up, so I decided to go hunting some animal._

 _This time I did not feel like myself. It felt like there was something inside me, wanting to kill some preys. I hoped that I hadn't gone crazier than I was right now. And I did it again. I felt myself moving on its own as I found a deer. Plunging a knife at its neck, this time I saw everything that happened. I was crouching down and leaped at the deer unconsciously._

 _I was thinking that I had gone crazy now. I could never hunt that well. Maybe I was turning wild. Maybe I was losing my humanity_

 _I carried the deer back to my cove, not knowing how I got this much strength to carry a deer. I shrugged everything off as I sat in my cave. If I was going crazier, then be it. I did not care as long as I could go through and forget everything in the past._

* * *

"And that's enough for this night" I said and the pups yawned.


End file.
